The Cookie Jar Method
The “cookie jar method” for understanding the value of positive feedback.
I’m writing this post straight after an executive group coaching call, and WOW, did we go deep today? I’m in awe of how courageous the team was.
It also really brought up my own stuff and some deep sadness.
Watching one of the most brilliant and capable leaders I’ve ever met share how they want to be recognized and loved hit home with how often I have felt unseen.
How have people misinterpreted my intentions, or have I been clumsy and made a negative impact with my words?
Underneath it all, we are all little kids looking to be seen, loved, and acknowledged for who we are. As adults, we are taught to hide these parts of ourselves, often told it’s weak or unprofessional to receive praise and acknowledgment and especially bad to ask for it.
I’m so lucky that I get to work with companies and leaders who understand the power of appreciation and acknowledgment. We all need some reflection to fuel us and enable us to receive the observational feedback and coaching needed to reach our highest potential.
An analogy I like to use to describe how feedback affects us is the “Cookie Jar.”
Imagine a big glass jar filled with gorgeous, yummy cookies!
Whenever we receive critical feedback and suggestions for improvement, it’s like taking a handful of cookies out of the jar.
Every time we get appreciation and praise, cookies get put back in our jars.
If you only ever get critical feedback, then the cookie jar gets emptied, and you have no more capacity to hear or receive feedback. You've been emptied. Now, any extra feedback that isn’t positive is likely just to make you angry and resentful.
As leaders, we must be aware of ensuring we fill up the jars of those we lead and teach them to fill the jars of those we lead.
Look for ways to praise, appreciate, and acknowledge your team and team members as often as you can. Studies routinely show that even the best and most admired leaders struggle to hit a 50-50 ratio between opportunity and positive feedback. Most leaders fall well short of that ideal growth/acknowledgment split.
Remember, however smart, successful, powerful, and “together” someone might appear on the outside, inside, they are still that little kid who needs to be seen, acknowledged, loved, and appreciated.
We can all use a little more kindness.
