The need to be liked…
The impact of our need to be liked often comes up in how it influences our decisions, relationships, and effectiveness.
I’ve noticed for me, it can play out as envy too. Feeling sad/envious when I see others getting acknowledged when I think my efforts were unseen.
My loving part is so happy that these others are getting recognized. Yet, that little boy inside who was desperate to be seen by his absent father can override that happiness for others—leading to me making things seem personal when they really aren't.
When others are recognized, it DOES NOT mean I am being slighted!
And, of course, to add to the fire, when I do get recognized, my pattern (which I am working hard on) has been to dismiss that acknowledgment or not allow it to sink in fully.
How my need to be liked can show up negatively:
❌ Showing off in groups to get seen
❌ Teasing people to make others laugh (I’m sorry, Sara…)
❌ Having to always be the best/have the answers so I get noticed
So how am I working on this, and how do I support others to do their work?
✅ Know that it is okay to ask for acknowledgment. We do way too little of this in Western society. It is okay to ask to be recognized!
✅ When you get acknowledged, stay present. Say 'thank you' and believe what they are saying about you
✅ Keep a journal or somewhere to note down your acknowledgments. So when your tank is feeling empty, you can look at these and remind yourself of your goodness
✅ Get into a gratitude practice, where you note down 3-5 things you are grateful for each day before going to sleep
✅ Most importantly, remember people will most like you for how you make them feel and how they feel being around you. Kindness and curiosity are the keys here
What makes you feel most seen? How does your need to be liked show up? What work are you doing on how these needs impact your relationships?
